As a legal practitioner, I often find my schedule heavy with work, and I have to carve out time in my day and my week for another practice – meditation – to make sure that I am in touch with myself and my needs. In the October 2022 episode of Ask Lloyd, I had the pleasure of talking to Larisa Harrington, whose company, Strong By Nature, works with purpose-driven individuals and organizations to create a culture of wellness, so the people and company thrive. While her focus tends to be on people in the professional realm, we touched on various important issues for the personal challenges related to personal wellness, especially during a trying time like a divorce.
The Whole Person Needs to be Involved
It’s not just the legal problems that people go through during a divorce. After all, the end of a relationship is often traumatic no matter how right the decision may be. Getting to clarity about emotional and mental health challenges is an important step towards resolving them and moving to a better place in life. Larisa and I were in agreement that this can’t happen without looking at the whole person – work and home; physical, mental and emotional; self and relationships. At Malech Law, we take care of the whole person, and this is Larissa’s approach to coaching as well.
What happens when there is a disconnect between different parts of our lives? People can be having great success at work, making money for the family, and doing good in the world. But they don’t even realize how much their family might be suffering. Larisa recommends activating the power of mindfulness and emotional intelligence in a holistic manner– looking at work and home to make sure that nothing is being missed.
Look Out for Burnout
When people push themselves too hard, it can have serious consequences in their lives. Stretching beyond their limits leads to sudden collapse physically, mentally, or emotionally because they have nothing more to give. What do we do to prevent it? Larisa suggests learning how to spot perfectionism, people-pleasing, and an inability to say no. People pleasing leads to committing beyond our mental physical and emotional resources and then going full tilt until we crash – we get sick, we quit, or we leave our relationship. The latter two might be the right thing to do, but it is better to do so from a place of health and strength than be driven there by burnout.
Be Ready to Do The Work
Larisa pointed out a strange, but common phenomenon: people get comfortable in their discomfort and aren’t able to do that deep inner work, shake things up and be ready to take the actions to get to a genuinely healthy space. It can be frightening to face hard truths and moving from an uncomfortable place to the even less comfortable unknown takes courage. It may be easier to go along to get along, but to truly be happy and fulfilled, people need to take brace steps like going to therapy to work on boundaries and communication or even getting a divorce.
People come to my office, caught up in the morass of their lives, and they can’t seem to find fulfillment no matter how hard they try. Working with a coach can help clarify the issues that are causing the real problems and work on changing them.