When is Divorce a Good Idea?
For some people, divorce is the best course of action. Research suggests that many relationships are dysfunctional, unsafe, and unhealthy. When the family dynamic is riddled with physical abuse or emotional abuse, such as when one spouse suffers from untreated addiction, bi-polar disorder, borderline personality disorder, narcissistic personality disorder, or schizophrenia which is damaging or destroying the loving bonds associated with properly functioning families, those are some reasons to pursue divorce. Additionally, there are financial and other circumstances that drive a wedge between partners, causing irreparable damage to the relationship. Alternatively, working on a damaged relationship may be the best option for all involved. Some people may want to repair the marriage and keep the family together by sorting out their differences.
Divorce should never be taken lightly. It is a serious, major life choice that needs fearless and thoughtful consideration before any action is undertaken. When it comes down to it, you are the one who has to exist in the marriage, or not, so only you make this choice. You must decide what is best for you and your family. The decision to divorce can be complicated and upsetting to most. The following are a few helpful tips that you can use to decide if divorce is right for you.
Can unhappy marriages become happy again?
Those who are considering divorce are often torn between two realities. They may consider ending the marriage and moving on to find joy alone or with someone else, or staying with their spouse so that the family may remain intact. If it is a matter of just “not getting along,” I strongly recommend that you first try couples counseling before making a momentous decision to divorce. Please call me at 202.441.2107 if you are seeking referrals to excellent professionals in the area of couples counseling. I would be happy to guide you in the direction that is right for you.
One divorce study discovered that 50% of unhappily married persons who did not want to get a divorce ended up happily married to the same spouse 5 years later. Another 20% improved but did not say they were happy. Only 10% of the unhappy individuals who stayed married were still unhappy 5 years later. This information shows that for the most part, those who got divorced and even those who divorced and remarried were no happier or than those who stayed married.
Was Infidelity Involved?
Many Americans report that they would dissolve their marriage if their spouse were unfaithful to them. However, 50-60% of couples, who have faced infidelity during their marriages find the courage and strength to keep the marriage going. Getting past infidelity can be devastating and extremely difficult to achieve without professional help. Infidelity is often a symptom or side-effect of a marriage nearing its end. However, in many cases the infidelity becomes the “excuse” or “reason” for the divorce once it is discovered or voluntarily disclosed.
Was Addiction Involved?
Addiction is a treatable mental health issue and in many instances can be overcome through treatment and 12 step programs. However, untreated addiction can be a major cause in a marriage’s destruction. Addiction comes in many forms, including alcohol, drugs, gambling, extra-marital sex, pornography or even online gaming. In some cases, the addict can get help and the marriage can be repaired. But without the addicted spouse’s desire to get help, long term sobriety may be elusive and saving the marriage may be impossible.
Was Abuse Involved?
Abuse can have a lasting impact on a person’s psyche. It is never advised to stay in an abusive marriage, whether it be physical or emotional. There is more abuse going on behind closed doors than you would expect. That “perfect” looking family on Facebook may be nothing more than a smokescreen hiding untold horrific treatment that is occurring behind the smiles. If you believe you are being emotionally abused, but are too afraid to speak out, don’t be. There are many people recovering from the scars of their abusive marriages who would be very willing to share their experiences of what it was like while married to an abuser, what it is like now that they have gotten through their divorce, and what their hopes and dreams for the future look like.
Everyone’s marriage is unique to them. You should be hopeful that there are many professional experts helping their patients and clients in overcoming their own emotional trauma. When you are ready to talk to someone about this, please feel free to call me directly to discuss your situation. I will personally help you anyway I can.
The Law Offices of Lloyd A. Malech is here to protect your interests and strenuously advocate on your behalf. For assistance with your divorce, contact our office today.