The holidays are usually a time for family traditions and togetherness, so divorce or separation can hit especially hard at this time of year. Amidst the celebrations, kids going through a divorce can be struggling. The changes to the family, tension between their parents, and fear about the future can cast a pall over the holidays. Children might worry about where they’ll celebrate, whether treasured traditions will continue, and what the family will become. As parents and caregivers, you want to make this time as joyful and stress-free as possible, even when things have changed.
Keeping the Old and Welcoming the New
Regardless of their developmental stage, it is normal for kids to crave a sense of normalcy during a divorce. They want to know that the good parts of their family life won’t all disappear in the divorce. Since holiday traditions are a huge part of growing up in a family, this time of year can feel particularly fraught. If there are family traditions, like decorating the tree together or a family outing to shop for presents, try to make them happen even if you aren’t feeling the holiday spirit yourself. The rituals might look a little different, but the children will appreciate the continuity.
To signal that change can be positive, also consider creating new traditions to reflect a new normal. Empower your children by inviting them to help imagine and create new traditions as a family. Ask them what activities they’d like to try and let their ideas shape your family’s celebrations. This gives children a sense of control and helps them look forward to the season, regardless of which house they’re in. While every family is different, and children’s ages can influence your choices, here are five suggestions for new family traditions.
Five Family Activities for the Holidays
- Choose a Tree at a Local Farm: Bundle up and head to a nearby tree farm. Let your children help pick out the perfect tree. The fresh air, laughter, and teamwork make for lasting memories—and maybe a new annual tradition.
- Go Ice Skating: For the active family, finding a seasonal sports event can bring everyone together. Whether outdoors or at a local rink, ice skating offers fun and giggles (even after a few wobbly starts). It’s a great way to let off steam and enjoy the magic of winter.
- Volunteer at a Toy Drive: A great way for children to get outside of their heads and stop focusing on the difficulty of the change in their lives is to give them a chance to help others. Giving back can lift spirits and act as a reminder that they can make a positive difference in someone’s life. Sign up as a family to help collect, sort, or distribute toys.
- Join a Caroling Group: Music can be a joyous, soothing, and distracting activity, especially when shared in community. The holidays offer so many festive songs, and local groups among neighbors, friends, church, or school can be a heart-warming environment. Caroling also brings cheer to audiences, which only adds to the pleasure of the activity.
- Hold a Cookie Bakeoff: Food is central to the holidays, and cookies are a treat to make and enjoy with friends and family. Challenge your kids to find their favorite recipe and spend some quality time in the kitchen learning how to bake. Doing this together brings laughter and wonderful smells to the house.
Focus on What Matters
Center the holidays on your children’s happiness and well-being. This can be hard when the adults have ended their relationship, but try to avoid arguments or negative talk about your ex-partner. Address your children’s anxiety about being caught in the middle with a show of support by giving your child the opportunity to buy or make a gift for the other parent. This way, you can reassure the kids that they don’t have to choose which parent to love and enhance their security in their relationships.
Keep an eye on your children’s spirits. The holidays can be tough so that they may need some additional support. Consider connecting them with a mental health professional if they seem to be struggling. Balanced with a focus on creating new family traditions and preserving some old ones, this can help make the holidays merry.