Co-Parenting a Child with Disabilities During and After Divorce

When parents split up, it is hard on the entire family, and it can be particularly difficult for families where one of the children has a disability. Just when parents want to sever their own relationship, they need to figure out how to be a team to continue parenting. The demands of parenting a child with disabilities can be met with some care and a commitment to the well-being of the child.
Understanding the Special Needs of Disabled Children
Disabilities come in all shapes and children may have physical, cognitive, emotional, or sensory disabilities that require specialized attention. In addition to the needs of any child in a parent’s care, a child with disabilities may need even more. For example, consistent routines may be more urgent for a child with certain disabilities and the disruption of a parental separation may be particularly impactful on their emotional wellbeing. Children with disabilities often need additional medical treatment or therapy, and their educational needs also include an extra layer of advocacy to make sure that they receive accommodation and learning plans that allow them to keep up with their peers.
Helping Children During the Transition
When divorce or separation happens to the family, there are a number of steps that parents can take to help navigate the transition.
1. Co-Parenting Plan
When you no longer share a house and custody of a child, it is vital to spell out how each parent will be contributing to the well-being of a child with disabilities. Custody arrangements should be clear on all issues, including minutia like pick-up times and locations that fit into the child’s routine and special needs. Shared legal custody requires clear lines of communication about the child’s health needs and changes in routine. It also requires some agreement on how co-parents will make medical and educational decisions with some provision for final say if they cannot agree.
2. Consistency and Stability
The change in households from one to two is already going to be difficult for the children. For a child with disabilities, this can be particularly destabilizing. To help mitigate the impact, co-parents should try to keep bedtimes, mealtimes, and any therapy sessions consistent in both homes. Where there are causes for concern, co-parents should proactively communicate changes in behavior or other indicators that their child may need additional support from both parents. This can be challenging, but it will help create a new stable environment for the child.
3. Emotional and Psychological Support
Children with disabilities might need extra emotional support during a divorce. Parents should consider seeking professional help from a counselor who has experience working with children with disabilities. Keep the lines of communication open with the child and allow them to express their feelings in an age-appropriate manner while continuing to assure them that they are loved and cared for despite the divorce.
4. Legal and Financial Planning
Divorce can bring about legal and financial complexities, especially when a child has special needs. Working with attorneys and financial planners who have experience with divorce and special needs planning is critical to the long-term outcomes for the child. Complex plans like trusts, guardianships, and insurance policies will be more successful with professional guidance, particularly to preserve any government benefits or services.
Co-parenting a child with disabilities during and after divorce requires compassion, patience, and a willingness to focus on the special needs of the child. Whether or not collaboration is possible, it takes particular care to make sure that a child with disabilities makes it through the transition and into a new normal.