Substance abuse impacts the person with an addiction, but it also impacts the everyone around the person. The spiral of drug or alcohol abuse often leads to the breakdown of marriages and families because addictive behavior creates a toxic environment that fosters mistrust, resentment, and emotional distance between partners. When one of the adults in a relationship has substance abuse issues, it is important to take a hard look at the implications for the whole family.
How Substance Abuse Can Lead to Divorce
Substance abuse leads to bad behavior, and an individual may become unreliable, neglect responsibilities, and be erratic. Financial instability, emotional abuse, and physical danger are common consequences that can push the other partner to the brink. Here are some ways substance abuse can contribute to the end of a relationship:
• Lack of Trust: The addicted partner may lie about their substance use, hide financial transactions, or fail to meet commitments, leading to a breakdown of trust.
• Emotional Distance: Substance abuse often results in the addicted partner becoming emotionally unavailable, causing feelings of loneliness and abandonment in the relationship.
• Financial Strain: Funding an addiction can deplete family finances, creating additional stress and conflict over money.
• Increased Conflict: Arguments may become more frequent and intense, often escalating to verbal or physical abuse.
• Health and Safety Risks: The addicted partner may engage in risky behaviors, endangering their own health and the safety of their family.
Recognizing the Signs
It is crucial to recognize the signs of substance abuse in an intimate partner. Here are some indicators that substance abuse may be affecting your marriage:
• Changes in Behavior: Noticeable shifts in mood, energy levels, and social habits can signal substance abuse.
• Neglect of Responsibilities: When one partner consistently fails to fulfill their duties at home or work, it may be due to substance use.
• Isolation: The addicted partner may withdraw from family activities and social interactions.
• Financial Irregularities: Unexplained expenses, missing money, or financial difficulties can be red flags.
• Physical Symptoms: Changes in appearance, hygiene, or health can indicate substance abuse.
Substance Abuse and Divorce
If your marriage has reached a breaking point because of addiction, it may be time to file for divorce. Maryland is a no-fault divorce state, meaning that you do not need to prove your partner’s addiction issues to obtain a divorce. If there are concerns about safety from the partner with addiction issues, it may be important to consider temporary judicial intervention pending the divorce. Talk to your family law attorney about these options.
Impact on Child Custody
Child custody decisions in Maryland are made based on the “best interest of the child” standard. This means that the court will consider the child’s safety, stability, and overall well-being when determining custody arrangements. Substance abuse can significantly impact these decisions, particularly if the partner is placing the children in an unstable, potentially dangerous environment due to addiction. There are several ways to shield a child from the addicted parent.
• Physical custody limitations can be imposed, up to and including denying the addicted parent physical custody due to safety concerns.
• Supervised visitation can ensure that the children have a responsible adult present when spending time with the addicted parent.
• Treatment requirements can be part of an interim or final custodial order, including participation in substance abuse treatment and regular proof of sobriety.
Coparenting with an Addict
Coparenting with an addicted ex requires taking steps to protect the well-being of the children. It is critical to include specific provisions about substance use in the custodial agreement. Here are some considerations:
• Drug and Alcohol Testing: Regular testing can help ensure that the addicted parent remains sober during their parenting time.
• Behavioral Expectations: Clearly outline acceptable behaviors and consequences for violating the agreement.
• Communication Plan: Establish guidelines for communication between co-parents to minimize conflict.
• Support Systems: Involve family members, counselors, or mediators to provide additional support and oversight.
When a partner and coparent has substance abuse issues, there are paths forward. Taking care of yourself and your children should be a top priority. If you are concerned about a spouse or coparent with substance abuse issues, it is important to take this into account when seeking to change the family arrangements. Conferring with a family law attorney can help.