Recently, we celebrated Mother’s Day, and Father’s Day around the corner. It can be challenging to deal with these special days when parents are not together due to separation or divorce; the other parent may be the focus of the day, and it’s impossible to simply ignore the holiday. Here are three simple strategies to help parents navigate these occasions while ensuring children maintain healthy relationships with both parents:
- Plan Celebrations of the Other Parent Ahead of Time
Birthdays and parent-specific holidays do not come as a surprise. As early as the negotiations of a co-parenting agreement or child custody and support agreement, it is a good idea to ensure that the kids get to spend all or part of these special days with the parent being celebrated. If you haven’t anticipated these events in a written agreement, check your calendars in advance to see where your kids are scheduled to be on those days. Consider making adjustments if needed to ensure they can be with the respective parent.
When planning, try to consider the small details that can sometimes make or break a special day. Whether you share time during the holidays or exchange custody in the days leading up to the celebration, plan ahead for pick-ups and drop-offs so these can go as smoothly as possible. If circumstances make it difficult for the child to be with the parents (e.g., long-distance or COVID), then plan for video chats or other communication between the kids and parent being celebrated so that they can share the day in a meaningful way.
- Help Your Kids Plan Gifts & Celebrations
Despite any personal feelings you may have towards the other parent, if you’ve agreed to share custody, it’s essential to prioritize your children’s relationship with their parent. Encourage your children to take the lead in planning what they’d like to do for their other parent on these special days. This not only fosters their creativity but also strengthens their bond with the other parent. Gifts are a wonderful way to honor parents. Help your children decide on a gift—perhaps something that reflects the other parent’s preferences or memories. Consider assisting your children in creating homemade gifts. These small crafts or baked goods can be a heartfelt way for them to show appreciation.
- Focus on Respect and Co-Parenting
As a parent, you are modeling healthy adult relationships for your kids, which can be challenging when you aren’t with their other parent. Use these holidays to show your kids that you still acknowledge and value each other’s roles as parents, even if you’re not together. It’s essential to keep the kids out of the line of fire if you and your ex do not get along. Refrain from negative comments about the other parent, and focus on celebrating their positive qualities or at least keeping neutral when discussing the other parent with your kids.
For special occasions, remember that your kids look to you for guidance on how to have healthy relationships with other people, including your ex. It can be hard to take the high road, but these days are good moments to be particularly intentional about helping your kids feel like they have a connection with their other parent.